Picnic, Ants, and Bowling Pins
by Queen Julien
Summary: The Penguins go on a picnic, ants invade, and Julien befriends a bowling pin. Longer summery inside. This is my very first fic! Please check it out and review! :D


_Hello, people! Queen here with my very first fic! :'D_

_This was written for a writing challenge on my buddy's PoM forum._

_**Title-** Picnic, Ants, and Bowling Pins (worst title ever, but, whatever. xD )_

_**Length-** 3,507 words_

_**Disclaimer-** I obviously do not own PoM._

_**Summary-** It's a beautiful day, and Private wants to take a day off from training. The Penguins leave the zoo to have a picnic out in the park, but it doesn't take long for that to be ruined by an invasion of ants. Meanwhile, Julien befriends a bowling pin and names him Billy._

**Picnic, Ants, and Bowling Pins**

The weather was perfect today in New York City. It was nice and warm, not a cloud could be seen in the sky, and there was a soft breeze every once and a while. Over in the Central Park Zoo, the penguins were spending this beautiful day training, as usual. They were at the surface of their HQ, busy fighting ninjas! Er… bowling pins. Skipper was observing his team.

"Looking good, Kowalski!" He called out to the tall penguin that was punching, kicking, and tackling various 'ninjas'.

Skipper then turned his attention to Rico. The crazy penguin laughed maniacally, then coughed up a crow bar and violently whacked a bowling pin all the way into the lemur's habitat.

"Ooo… very nice, Rico." Skipper said, applauding him. He then gazed over at Private who… wasn't doing as well.

Private let out a sigh, and lightly hit the bowling pin in front of him. Skipper watched as it slowly rolled away, fell off the ledge, and splashed into the water. He turned back to the youngest penguin.

"Private! What's wrong with you? You've been spacing out all day. If this had really been a ninja invasion, we surely would have lost!"

"Oh, sorry, Skippa." Private said, looking at the ground. He sighed again, and then looked up to his leader. "It's just that… It's such a lovely day! Can't we take a break for once?"

"Take a break?!" Skipper repeated in disbelief. "We've got to prepare for the ninja invasion!"

"But… what are the chances of us actually being invaded by ninjas?"

"Ah, Private…" Skipper sighed. "Manfredi and Johnson had that very same attitude. And look at where they're at now! They're… dead."

"Well, Skipper…" Kowalski started as he waddled over. Rico followed. "It is a good idea to take a break every so often. Working too much can cause stress, and prevents you from being at your best."

Skipper thought about this, and all was silent until he spoke up. "Alright, boys." He said, coming to a decision. "No more training. We're taking the rest of this day off!"

The team let out some loud cheers that slowly died down.

"So, uh… what are we supposed to do now?" Kowalski asked.

"No clue." Answered Skipper.

Rico just shrugged his sholders.

They all turned to Private. "Well, we could, uh… have a picnic?" The young penguin suggested, rubbing the back of his head.

"A… picnic?" Skipper questioned.

"Yes, a picnic! We can eat lunch out in the park, play games, swim… and other stuff!"

"What kind of stuff? Conducting scientific research?" Kowalski asked, getting excited.

"Kablamo?!" Rico shouted, throwing his flippers into the air.

"Uh, sure. Science and… Kablamo." Private turned to Skipper and smiled. "So, can we, Skippa?"

"Of course! Rico, supplies!"

Without any delay, Rico regurgitated a red blanket into one flipper, and a basket packed with food into the other. "Ta-da!"

"Great job, Rico. Now, let's move out, men!"

----------

Julien laid at the top of his throne, yawning and stretching as he was being fanned. He sat up a bit, and noticed that the penguins were heading to the exit of the zoo. "Maurice? What are those silly penguins up to?" He asked in a dull voice.

Maurice continued to sway the long fan as he glanced over to the penguins. "Looks like they're going on a picnic."

"King Julien! King Julien! King Julien!" Mort yelled, running up to the throne. He was hiding something behind his back.

"Ugh… what do you want, Mort? Can you not see that your king is busy doing nothing?"

"I found a new animal!" Mort said, overly excited. He stepped aside to reveal the animal that was behind him… It was the ninja bowling pin that Rico had previously knocked into their habitat.

This exciting news snapped Julien out of his boredom. "Haha! This is great!" He jumped off of his throne and walked up to the bowling pin. "Welcome to my kingdom, freaky-armless-legless-animal… thing! I am King Julien! See the pretty crown?" He asked, adjusting it a bit. "Now tell me, what is your name?"

The bowling pin just sat there, as Julien waited for a response.

"Why isn't he talking?" Mort asked.

"He is nervous! That's what happens when you're in the presence of royalty, such as myself. I'm sure Billy will get his voice back soon. That's what we shall call him. Billy. He looks like a Billy to me."

"I like Billy!" Mort said, giving the bowling pin a quick hug.

Maurice rolled his eyes, set the fan down, and walked over. "I'd hate to be the bearer of bad news, but… That's a bowling pin." He said, laughing a bit.

There was a sudden breeze that caused Billy to fall over.

"Oh, no! You made him sad!" Mort cried, picking his new friend back up.

"Nice going, you chubby bully." Julien said, poking Maurice in the belly. "You made Billy cry."

"That is a bowling pin!" He repeated, this time with anger in his voice.

"Don't talk such nonsense, Maurice. Do bowling pins have eyes?" The royal lemur asked, pointing to the sloppily markered on eyes. "Well, do they?"

"No, but-"

"Exactly. So, go shut up." Julien said, shooing Maurice away. "We must now properly welcome Billy to my kingdom! We shall have a feast! Mort, you and the chubby bully can go find some food." He climbed back up to the top of his throne. "I would go with you, but…. I am far too busy doing nothing."

Maurice mumbled to himself as he left with Mort.

Billy just sat there in silence.

----------

The penguins were sitting in a nice, shady area under a tree. Each of them took a sandwich out of the regurgitated picnic basket and started to eat.

"See? Isn't this fun, Skippa?" Private asked, taking a bite out of his sandwich.

"Yeah, I guess." Was Skipper's reply. Honestly, he would much rather be preparing for a ninja invasion than be sitting around eating in a park. He looked down and noticed that an ant was wandering around on the blanket. Skipper was annoyed by this and raised his flipper, preparing to get rid of it…

That's when Private screamed like a girl, and slapped his flipper away. "What are you doing?!" He asked in horror.

"What? It's just an ant!"

"Exactly!" Private said in a sad voice. "It's just a cute, little, harmless, defenseless ant." He then ripped a little crumb off of the bread of his sandwich and placed it in front of the ant. "There you go, little guy. You're just hungry, aren't you?"

The ant picked the crumb up with his antennas, placed it on his back, then crawled away… and then a few more came.

Private was about to take another bite when he noticed the others. "Oh, sorry. Here's some for you too." He threw a couple of crumbs down, and the cycle continued. Within a few minutes, Private's generosity had attracted dozens of ants. "Oh, dear… There are quite a few ants around here." The penguins carefully stood up, as to not squash any.

"Yeah, I noticed." Said the agitated Skipper, desperately wanting to stomp on all of them. Both him and Kowalski threw their sandwiches into the safety of the picnic basket.

The brainy penguin swatted an ant off of his foot and stood. "Perhaps we should change locations…" He suggested.

Rico had a different idea, though. He jumped up, swallowed his sandwich whole, and then coughed up a stick of dynamite. "Kablamo!" He shouted, excitedly.

"No need for lethal force yet, Rico."

"Aww…" He whined, slouching his shoulders and staring at the ground.

"Uh… Skipper?" Kowalski poked the leader penguin in the shoulder, and then pointed ahead of them.

Skipper looked up to see that they were now surrounded by thousands of ants. "Holy shrimp! What's going on here?!"

"Fooooood!" The ants all shouted out at once with their high-pitched voices.

"I hope they don't like penguin." Private said, nervously.

"Don't be silly." Kowalski said with a laugh. "Ants don't eat penguins!"

A group of ants charged towards Private, jumped up, and stole what was left of his sandwich. They took it back to the crowd and it was torn apart in a matter of seconds.

Kowalski gulped, starting to get freaked out. "Although… they do look pretty hungry…"

Skipper picked up the basket and held it high above his head. "Well, we're _not_ letting these _things_ take our food!" He then turned to Rico. "I think it's time for… lethal force."

Rico perked up and smiled sinisterly. He regurgitated a match, light the dynamite that he was already holding and tossed it into the sea of ants. His smile quickly faded, though, when he noticed that the ants engulfed the stick of dynamite and… ate it.

"Oh, come on! How is that even possible?!" Kowalski practically screamed.

"I guess they aren't quite as defenseless as I thought they were…" Private said, shyly.

Rico just stood there with his jaw hanging down, speechless.

Down below, an ant was pushing his way through the crowd. He emerged and stood in front of the penguins. This one was obviously the commander. He was larger than the others, wore a combat helmet, and ironically had a loud, booming voice. "Give us the food or we'll just take it by force!" he yelled, pointing at Skipper.

"Kowalski, we need some options." Skipper said, remaining calm. His eyes stayed on the army in front of them.

"Give them the food?" Kowalski suggested.

"Over my dead body!"

"…Give them the food over your dead body?"

"No!"

"Strategic retreat?"

"That's more like it! Move, men, move!"

Kowalski jumped towards the tree trunk and used his feet to kick off of it. This gave him enough speed to fly a good distance over and away from the ants. Private quickly followed. Rico snapped out of his daze and did the same. All landed safely on the other side.

"Kowalski, catch!" Skipper threw the basket high into the air as the ants started to close in on him. The basket was caught and Skipper kicked off of the tree to join the others. "Alright. Stay calm, men."

"You freaky looking birds know some fancy moves…" The commander shouted from somewhere in the crowd. "But we _will _get that food! Chaaaaarge!" The army of ants ran at full speed towards the penguins.

Kowalski screamed like a girl and instantly took off running with the basket in hand. Private and Rico did the same. Skipper just sighed, and then followed his team.

"What do we do?!" Private cried.

"Skipper scanned his surroundings. "The pond! Head for the pond!" He yelled, pointing ahead.

The penguins wadded a few inches into the water, then spun around to check on the ants. They had stopped right at the water line.

"Curses…" Mumbled the commander, who was in the front of the army this time. "Retreat!" As the ants scattered, the commander turned to face Skipper. "Just remember… We're watching you…" He said in a low, threatening voice. "Always watching…" He backed away slowly, and then took off with the others. The ants disappeared as quickly as they came.

"That's… kinda creepy." Kowalski said, as a few ducklings swam by in the background.

----------

"Billy, you are so very funny!" Julien was lying on his stomach, head propped up on his arms, staring at the bowling pin. "Do tell me another joke!"

Maurice walked in on this, and was creeped out a bit. "Uh… your majesty? We brought some fruit for the feast." He said, gently placing them onto the ground.

Mort just tossed his handful of fruit down and quickly ran up to Billy. "I missed you!" He cried, hugging him tightly.

"Ah! Mort!" Julien jumped up and snatched the bowling pin away from the annoying little lemur. "Keep your disgusting paws off of Billy! He is only friends with me, the king."

"Julien, I couldn't help but notice that you were talking to, er… Billy earlier. He can… talk now?" Maurice questioned, as Mort rolled around crying in the background.

"Yes, he's just a little shy." Julien was now stroking the top of Billy's head, as if he were some kind of pet. "Did you know that Billy is a professional hockey player from Brazil who came here in search of the legendary rainbow pony?" He asked, excitedly.

Maurice smiled nervously. He wasn't even sure how to respond to that. This was weird… even for Julien. Possibly even weirder that the time he was talking to stuffed animals.

"You see that, Billy?" Julien held out the bowling pin right in front of Maurice's face. "He is so amazed by your story that he is speechless!"

"Uh… Listen, Julien…" Maurice started, as he stared into the marker eyes of Billy. "I _really _think you should get rid of that bowling pin."

Julien gasped. He quickly pulled Billy back and covered the ears he didn't have. "How daring of you! You know that hurts his feelings!"

"You're a big fat meanie, Maruice!" Mort yelled, pointing an accusing finger at him.

"Ooo… I like that name, Mort."

Mort giggled and hugged his tail, looking all cute.

"Now…" Julien continued. "Bring to me some more food. Different food. You know, like… non-fruity food." He inspected his nails, while still holding Billy in the other arm.

Maurice sighed and left once again with Mort. He had to get rid of that bowling pin, somehow…

"What's that, Billy?" Julien asked, holding him up to his ear. "Yes! Of course I would like to hear the story of how you won the arm wrestling tournament."

----------

"Skippa? Do you think the ants will find us here?" Private asked, his voice a little shaky.

"I doubt it, Private. We're on the other side of the park!"

"That, and we're in a tree." Kowalski added.

He was stretched out on the branch with his back leaning against the trunk. The basket was sitting in front of him. Skipper and Private were next on the branch, hanging their feet off the edge. Rico was at the end, staring at a caterpillar that was crawling around in the leaves.

Skipper placed his flipper on the basket. "Well, I guess it's safe to eat now." The second he opened it, ants appeared on ever branch of the tree, all staring at them.

"Oh, crap." Rico grunted.

The commander stood on the branch directly in front of the penguins'. "Ready to give up yet, freaky birds?" He asked, grinning.

"Never!" Skipper yelled, as he shoved his team out of the tree. He grabbed the basket, jumped down, and they all started to run.

"Give chase!" The commanded shouted out.

Private looked behind him as they ran. "They're close by, Skippa!"

"Rico, do your thing!"

Rico regurgitated item after item, throwing them at the army. Dynamite, bombs, axes… all of which were eaten by the ants.

"It's not even slowing them down!" Private cried.

"Just keep running!" Skipper ordered.

And that's when Kowalski tripped over a rock. "I'm down! The end is near… GO ON WITHOUT ME!!!" He screamed.

The others froze in their tracks and spun around. "Uh… Kowalski?" Private stared at the penguin who was face down on the ground, covering his head. "They're gone."

Kowalski slowly picked his head up and looked behind him. "So they are." He stood up and coughed awkwardly. "I… uh, totally knew that… Stupid rock!" The tall penguin picked it up and threw it into the nearby street.

A shattering noise was heard, followed by someone crying out, "My car!"

"I wonder where the ants ran off to…" Private asked himself, curious.

Kowalski was running around, angrily kicking rocks in the background.

----------

"Haha! This is perfect!" Said the excited lemur king. He looked at all the food before him. Billy stood by his side.

Maurice and Mort were behind them, sitting against the bouncy. They were worn out from having to make multiple trips to both the penguins' HQ and Alice's office in order to steal their food.

"So… How is Billy going to eat this stuff, anyway?" Maurice asked, impatient and out of breath. "He doesn't even have a mouth!"

Julien turned to yell at him. "Oh, shut up, Maurice! Of course he has a mouth!" He bent down to inspect Billy's face. Not seeing anything, he picked him up, turned him around, and even checked his bottom. "Eh… It's somewhere." He said, placing the bowling pin back down.

"We'd be happy to eat it instead!" A loud, booming voice called out.

Julien looked around a bit before asked, "Who said that?"

"Up here!"

He looked up into the air and gasped. "The Sky Spirits want Billy's welcoming feast?!"

Maurice sighed and slapped his forehead. "No, man! Up there!" He said, pointing at the wall of their habitat. Thousands of ants were standing at the top, completely surrounding them.

"Looks like we hit the jackpot, men! That food now belongs to us!" The commander yelled, pointing at the feast.

Julien laughed. "I'm not afraid of some cute little ants."

"We'll just see about that… Chaaaaaarge!"

The ants jumped off the wall and ran full speed towards the feast. "Fooooood!" They yelled in their high-pitched voices.

Julien screamed and jumped up onto the platform that his throne sat on. Maurice and Mort quickly followed. They stared at the craziness below.

Maurice turned to his king. "Not afraid of ants, huh?"

Julien shrieked in horror then grabbed Maurice by the shoulders. "Billy is still down there!" He yelled, shaking the poor lemur back and forth. "You must save him!"

"Are you mad?! I'm not going down there!" He answered, shoving Julien off.

"Then you must do it, Mort!" Julien picked up the little lemur and tossed him down.

"Weee!" Mort yelled as he flew through the air. He splashed into the sea of ants. "This tickles!" He giggled as he sunk. After a few seconds, the ants threw him back out. Mort landed on his butt, next to Julien. "That was fun!"

"Keep that disgusting thing away from our food!" The commander called out from somewhere in the crowd.

Within a few minutes, the ants had completely devoured everything. They now laid on the ground, rubbing their big bellies.

Julien peeked over the ledge and looked down below. "Uh, excuse me? Now that you are done gobbling everything up with your mouths, could you leave?" He asked, laughing nervously.

The commander jumped to his feet and gave Julien an angry look. "We'll leave when we feel like it! Suck it up, ya mutated cat!" He then plopped back down to rest.

The lemurs spent the next few hours sitting in silence. Every so often, Mort would attempt to touch Julien's feet, which just resulted in him being kicked away. Finally, as the sun started to set, the ants decided to leave.

The commander stood up and gave his orders. "Alright, let's move out! March, march, march!" He shouted as the army made its way over to the wall.

----------

Meanwhile, the penguins were back in the zoo, making their way back to their HQ.

"See? Wasn't that fun, Skippa?" Private asked, smiling.

"Yeah, it was." Skipper agreed. "I especially liked the ninja- Er... ant invasion!"

Private and Kowalski gave him a weird look.

Rico was trailing in the back of the pack. He came to a stop and coughed up a stick of dynamite and match. He looked at it sadly. It was the only one left, and he didn't even get to blow something up today!

Rico sighed and was about to start moving again, when he noticed that he was in front of the lemur's habitat. He looked at their wall, and a smile started to spread across his face…

----------

"I think they're gone." Mort said as he stood at the edge of the platform and looked around.

Julien darted over, unintentionally kicking Mort to the side. "Haha! And look! There's Billy, alive and well!" He motioned his arms towards the bowling pin… and that's when a stick of dynamite fell out of the sky and landed in Julien's hand. "Aah! It's one of those blowy-up thingies!" He yelled, tossing it at Mort.

Mort caught it and looked at the light as it made its way down the string. "Ooo… pretty!"

"Give me that!" Maurice snatched it away from Mort, tossed it, then covered his ears.

The dynamite bounced off of the bouncy house and landed right in front of Billy. The poor bowling pin was blasted into a million of pieces.

"Nooooooo!" Julien collapsed to his knees and screamed into the air.

Mort fainted.

Maurice smiled.

----------

"Ah… Kablamo." Rico said, satisfied with the sound of the explosion. He then turned around and ran to catch up with the others.

"What do you think Julien is screaming about?" Private asked.

Skipper continued walking, looking ahead the whole time. "Don't know, don't care."

**The End**

_Well, that's it! I hope you enjoyed it!_

_Please leave a review and let me know what you think! And, remember, you don't have to be a member to review! =D  
_


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